


Paper

by That_Adorable_Fox



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Fighting, Hurt/No Comfort, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Not a Vent Fic, Other, Swearing, TW!! Self deprication, vent poem at the end(?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23641363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Adorable_Fox/pseuds/That_Adorable_Fox
Summary: I sat myself down on a throne and declared myself king.Forced my words onto you no matter how much they hurt.I could see your eyes, how they screamed “that's not true” desperatelyBut of course I kept drilling the words into your head.~Roman fucks up. Big time.
Relationships: no lamp
Comments: 10
Kudos: 63





	Paper

Roman stared down at the paper on his desk. No ideas were coming to him. His thoughts were swirling, but none of them were good enough to be made into a full-fledged idea.

Partially because none of them had been ideas in the first place. 

He never realized how much all of his teasing had impacted all of them. Well, he realized how much it had hurt Virgil. But no matter what he saw from Virgil he’d kept going; firing off at Logan again and again. Heck, he’d even started to make fun of Patton. 

They had a horrible argument the other day. Roman even forgot what it was about. All he could remember was getting so  ~~insecure~~ pissed off that he had went on a whole-ass rant picking apart every small mistake all of the other sides had ever done.

_ “Oh, Logan I thought you were supposed to be perfect! But oooohhhh noooo you made a spelling mistake and you have feeeelings and now you’re imperfect and oh god now everyone hates you- grow up! No one hates you! They can barely bring themselves to even like you.” _

Sheesh. Logan can be so touchy sometimes. That wasn't even that bad- oh. Wait... he could see it now… 

_ “Virgil! You’re so unpredictable I can't even tell what your stance is on anything we talk about half the time! Oh, we should do this! Oh oh oh no, we can't! Why not?! Because I’m a dumbass who forgot that it involves someone from my deep tragic secret emo past!! And god knows we can't do anything that has them involved!” _

…That wasn't harsh, right? That wasn't harsh at all. Nah. He definitely did worse when he was alone.

_ “And  _ Patton. _ You’re a controlling piece of shit. You call yourself a dad but guilt trip and manipulate everyone all the fucking time! Some dad, am I right?” _

Okay Roman could see how that one would hurt. But it was true. And Patton never raised a liar. 

Thomas had gotten so worked up that he actually sent him to his room. Like a  _ child _ . No words whatsoever. Just  _ woosh _ and now he's alone and they're all expecting him to do work or for him to come down the stairs and fall to his knees and apologize and tell them they’re all better than him, etc. etc. 

Ugh.

All the horrible things that he had said over the years… 

Roman knew how it was like to hear those horrible words thrown at you firsthand, and yet he hurled them back at the others. He could never share his toxic thoughts. Why? Too Remus-y. Too close to being “bad”. That was just a coping mechanism. And a terrible one at that. 

The tears in Patton’s eyes he had seen before he sunk out was burned in his memory. Along with Logan’s blank stare of hurt, and Virgil’s surprised and terrified look as he curled back closer to Logan. 

The paper was wet. The paper was wet and the inked words of self-deprecation were swirling together.

**_Never good enough. Unimportant. Unoriginal. Replaceable. Disgusting. Bully. Narcissistic. Awful. Self-centered._ **

Y’know, all the classics. Roman had heard all of these many times but his  **_unoriginal_ ** ass couldn't think of anything else to write.

**_Unintelligent._ **

Ah, here was another one. He wrote that one down too.

Usually when he was feeling down he would go find Patton to perhaps cuddle, or bake cookies or watch movies. 

He had a feeling Patton wouldn't talk to him right now.

His next option would be Virgil, going to just lean his shoulder against the emo and listen to the music he always blasted in his headphones, or binge Shane Dawson’s videos with some chips.

…Nope. Couldn't go there either.

He would save Logan for last. Logan always hated him. But when he was desperate… He could find Logan in the library called his room. He would sit next to him on a beanbag chair and relax as Logan read him one of the thousand books he had.

As much as Roman longed to, he would never touch the black door that led down to the Dark Side of the Mind Palace. 

He wouldn't start now.

Insecurities filled in his head, pooled in his eyes and slid down his cheeks and onto the paper. Maybe it was his hand, or maybe it actually was his tears. 

_ I sat myself down on a throne and declared myself king. _

_ Forced my words onto you no matter how much they hurt. _

_ I could see your eyes, how they screamed “that's not true” desperately _

_ But of course I kept drilling the words into your head. _

_ Why do I pick out everything bad about everyone? _

_ I don't. I'm talking to myself. _

_ So when you go crying away to your friends, _

_ Who will give you warm hugs and loving words as you shriek in agony, _

_ “Why does he hate me?” _

_ Darling, I want you to know _

_ I don't tease and laugh and prod because I hate you. _

_ I do it because I hate myself. _

  
  
  



End file.
